The Marlboro Man and the Bed Stealer

I used to work in the home health care field. I have tremendous respect for nurses’ aides and home health aides. It’s exhausting, often thankless, sometimes dangerous! work for usually not very good pay. You really must have your heart in it. Those who don’t, have no business doing this work. I’ve had so many funny, touching, and memorable experiences working in this field. Here is one of the highlights:

Mr. L liked to smoke. Oh, did he like to smoke. Being that his home was a convalescent center, though, this was not a common treat for him. He was reduced to smoking at certain breaktimes. He also got one beer a day. You can certainly appreciate any opportunity to smoke was met with a quickness to the breakroom.

The Bed Stealer liked to steal beds. It mattered not whose. He was not a particular man. Any old bed would do, besides his own. The bed was always snoozier on the other side of the hall.

The Bed Stealer was not a dull man. No, he was quite bright, apparently, for one day, when faced with the lack of enticing beds, he hatched a plan.

Now, I do not know if the Bed Stealer had happened upon this room and decided he liked the look and feel of this particular bed, or was just getting some particular glee out of twerping this particular victim, but he set his eye on…The Marlboro Man.

He informed the M.M. , “They’re smoking in the breakroom.”

Sweeter words never spoken. Oh, evil Bed Stealer!!

Imagine this man, shuffling along the corridor, eyes as intense as eagles, the door at the end of the corridor his salvation.

“Smoking…smokin the breakroom….breakroom…they’re smokin…in the…smokin in the…they’re smoking in the…they’re smokin…” he mumbled to himself as he went down the hall.

I was not there when the M.M. entered the breakroom, nor was I there, to see the expression and response at the cold, heartless response, “No, Mr. L., no one is smoking.”

I can only imagine very vividly, what transpired when a highly infuriated Mr. L returned to his room and found the Bed Stealer–the Liar!!!– WALLOWING! in his bed.

Shall we mercifully close the curtain on this scene?


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